Our screens come to life via the Magee Network along with PWAís
new streaming affilite We Are SPLAT! Either way you just gave
money to the Strader Sisters the minute you double clicked the
power button and scanned your handsome/beautiful face (your
mother paid us to say that so you know). The PWA logo flashes
centre on the screen of your viewing pleasure (whatever that may
be, PWA can be streamed on all). The scene comes to life to a
desert setting with multiple cactus plants, cacti if you will,
and we can see in the distance a flicker of light can be seen.
Cara Townsend and Victoria Strader (the child Meghan gave up for
adoption when she was 14) enter our scene in similar clothes
that the female leads wore in the original movie.
Oh no, what are we gonna do? Figgy has new asshole now!
Victoria: We donít need no man to save us, itís 2020. Girl
fucking power, bay bay!
Obviously Victoria is right, but
by the look on Caraís face that wasnít the point she was making.
Cara: Ok since you are so smart which is the hell out of
Victoria licks her thumb and holds it spinning
slowly around trying to feel which way the wind is coming as
Cara looks unimpressed. She smacks her arm down in frustration.
Cara : Stop that! I doubt the chainsaw bro can smell
anything through the masks of his. Ick!
follow me this way...
No sooner does she say that our
audio outletís make a loud sound as the chainsaw is revving up
and cutting both young womenís head off. Leatherface stands tall
and proud doing his chainsaw dance making his piggie squealing
noises. We fade in Ashes to Ashes by Tarbox Rambler
Cara Townsend: Hello ghouls
and specters and welcome to TEXAS CHAINSAW
Gerry Essex: Boy do we have a
evening in store for you! But I gotta know... how did you get
your head reattached so quickly and so well?! You canít even see
the stitches and it mustíve been at least 300!
looks at her broadcast partner and shakes her head brushing off
his very stupid question.
Cara Townsend: Yes we all
titles except the tag team titles up for grabs tonight for
Gerry Essex: Also we canít forget what I think
will become a feud between SNS and Izzie McKelserDee or
Cara Townsend: While we sit in the mini cinema
built by Scoot Nash Strader for his grand kids we can enjoy the
safe warm environment while the talent deals without the cold
desert air at night. Up next, itís the big man Adrian Kalis
versus Tamika Kalis! Who will advance in the self imposed
Adrian Kalis versus Tamika Kalis Standard
Match in Bringing Order to the OoC Time Limit: None
Cara Townsend: I have to say, this outdoor set-up with all these
giant screens so we can watch and call the matches!
Essex: My chair could be a bit more comfortable but yeah this is
Cara Townsend: Our first match takes place
in area ĎAí and is part of the internal tournament to crown a
new leader in The Order of Chaos.
Gerry Essex: Itís funny
that we havenít seen Mister Chaos himself... Simon Kalis.
Cara Townsend: Thatís true Gerry, Iím sure eventually Simon
will have something to say about it.
Gerry Essex: So itís
Adrian Kalis versus his stepmommy, Tamika Kalis, the one who
grounded him? Hahahaha.
Cara Townsend: Itís that damn
dirty Vega contracting COVID-19.
Gerry Essex: Oh come on,
donít tell me you believe that shit?
(under her breath) Dear lord help us all...
What was that?
Cara Townsend: Nothing, Gerry. Anyways as
promised actors from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre are our ring
announcers tonight! I am so pumped to introduce you to Alexandra
We cut to Area A on the Strader Estate and
Alexandra stands in the middle of the ring in the outfit from
TCM3D when Leatherface realizes she is his cousin. Both Adrian
and Tamika in the ring in their respective gear, both dancing
like Mohammed Ali.
Alexandra Daddario: This match is
scheduled for one fall is for the internal tournament to crown a
new leader within the faction! In this corner is ADRIAN KALIS
also known as Masakazu standing at 6'2, weighing in at 200
pounds... hailing from Montreal, Quebec Canada!!!!
camera pans over to Adrian who just winks for the camera
throwing a few jabs towards the lens.
And in this corner weighing in at 138 pounds, standing 5'9, and
she is co owner of the PWA with her sister, Meghan Kelser....
The camera pans to the General Manager of
the PWA as she gives the lens here families infamous sneer
followed by a wink of her own. She motions for a microphone.
Cara Townsend: Does she have something to say to Adrian?
Gerry Essex: My sources tell me thereís a few people that
arenít here tonight that should be.
Tamika Kalis: First
off, thank you Miss Daddario for making a special appearance
tonight and the rest of the actors. I would say their names but
I donít wanna give away the surprise! Ok, so as the internet
dirt sheets ran rampant in crazy theories and lies they are
right about a few things, one being that Jacob Seldon has
decided to not show up to the event so Lisa Seldon our
Intercontinental Champion is off filming a death match for
another promotion because of Jacob. Johnny Maverick had two
false negative tests for COVID19 and while we do know in fact he
isnít infected with the virus with our third test but I felt it
best he stay home or at the very least, if he is sick,
contaminate the competition in BWF. Just kidding David, you know
the Cowgirls love you. And finally Hunter Sullivan felt it
wasnít necessary to show up to the World Title shot I gave him
but donít worry Robinson, I have a replacement ready to go toe
to toe with The Phoenix! I am however am done with these no
shows. Effective immediately if you are booked and you decide
itís unnecessary to show to fulfil your contractual obligations
you will be considered in breach of contract and you might as
well pack your bags. Meghan and I have been to lenient with all
the roster and that ends tonight. Too the fans at home that
purchased this show through our partner weareSPLAT! you will be
gifted this pay per view and have your money refunded. I
apologize to the fans of PWA as they deserve better that what
they have been given.
Cara Townsend: Wow, thatís
unfortunate. I was looking forward to Seldon versus Seldon!
Gerry Essex: I was hoping to see Maverick tonight myself.
Such a fantastic athlete. Easy on the eyes.
Townsend: Wait what?
Tamika hands off her mic to the time
keeper and nods at Alexandra it was time to wrestle.
Alexandra Daddario: Letís get this party started!!!!
TCM 3D star steps through the ropes as Adrian and Tamika meet in
the middle of the ring and bump fists out of mutual respect.
Cara Townsend: Great show of sportsmanship!
Essex: I wanna see Tamika spank him.
Thatís how you replaced Rentfro, so maybe be careful.
Gerry Essex: I didnít mean it in a sexy way, geez. Everyone is
sensitive these days with their minds in the gutter.
DING DING DING!!!!
Tamika starts the offense with a
European uppercut, Adrian stumbles back from it into the corner
turnbuckle. She follows it up with a running knee lift into
Adrianís face. Kalis comes back for another strike but Adrian
ducks and rolls away from her. Adrian is quickly up, hits a
spinning heel kick to Tamika which sends Kalis into the corner
turnbuckle. Adrian rushes Tamika into the corner, running his
shoulder into Tamikaís ribs. Tamika grabs onto him and begins
bashing her elbow over the back of Adrianís head. Adrian flips
forward, sliding free, his legs wrap around Tamikaís neck as he
hangs upside down. Tamika runs forward with Adrian locked around
her and goes for a reverse piledriver but Adrian flips himself
up then kicks himself away from Tamika by kicking her shoulders
and then hitting a sit out face buster.
Interesting back and forth.
Gerry Essex: You say
interesting, I say boring.
Adrian gets to his feet as
Cara Townsend: I donít think itís boring.
Tamika charges at Adrian. They begin a grapple power
struggle, but it seems almost fruitless as both competitors are
evenly matched. Yet Kalis with a knee goes for Adrianís chest,
but Adrian masterfully blocks it with his knee. Adrian tries to
headbutt Kalis, but Kalis easily twists her head around to avoid
it. Out of no where Kalis with a surge of energy and power
overtakes Adrian and locks him up, taking him down with a
northern lights suplex.
Cara Townsend: Masterfully done.
Gerry Essex: Our boss is taking it to Adrian! Maybe she does
want to be the next leader of the Order!
rolls and gets to his feet, springboard moonsault on Kalis as
she gets to her feet, taking both of them down. Adrian grabs
Kalis by the legs and locks in an Indian Death Lock. He begins
to apply and release pressure, teasing Kalis almost but Kalis
refuses to tap out. Adrian now keeps the pressure on the hold,
smirking as he tells Kalis to just give in.
Townsend: Considering thatís where Tamika suffered at the time
her career ending injury I think tapping out might be a good
Gerry Essex: Naw, fuck that! Letís go boss! Reverse
Adrian has Kalis writhing in pain, but the
spirit of Tamika Kalis is unquestionably strong. Kalis makes a
grab for the bottom rope, and latches on. Adrian doesnít let go
of the hold.
Adrian keeps it on.
Finally Adrian lets go and gets away
from Kalis. Adrian grabs Tamika by the neck lifting her up to he
feet but she charges her shoulder into Adrian, double underhooks
his arms and hits a back breaker that stuns both the crowd and
Adrian. Kalis covers.
Adrian rolls away and gets to his feet as does Kalis now.
Adrian with a thrust kick lands hard against Kalisís ribs.
Another to Kalisís thigh, but Kalis moves away from the thrust
kick coming for her head and grabs Adrian by the leg and slams
him to the canvas. Kalis quickly now with a Boston Crab on
Adrian and moves him to the middle of the ring. Adrian writhes
in pain, trying to use his leg strength to escape but to no
avail. He realizes heís stuck in the center of the ring with no
Gerry Essex: I wanna say TAP! But I donít want
the boss running the order
Cara Townsend: I donít know
Gerry, I donít think sheís trying to win, just to show Adrian
and the world sheís still got it.
Gerry Essex: Oh the
boss definitely has still got that ability to send a message .
Adrian begins crawling with his hands out, using his upper
body strength to slowly move towards the ropes. But Kalis pulls
back and then reapplies the pressure, having snared Adrian
nicely in a well applied Boston Crab. Adrian pushes up with his
hands, which makes the pressure from the crab that much more
unbearable. But he moves towards the ropes and with a last mad
dash grabs onto the bottom rope in time. Kalis lets go and makes
sure he doesnít relent, grabbing Adrian by the hair and lifting
him to his feet.
Cara Townsend: I smell disaster for
Gerry Essex: Boooooooo!!! No Boss donít do it!
Kalis lifts Adrian up for a stalled suplex, holding him high
up for everyone to see. But Adrian slips out of it, spins Kalis
around and kicks herin the gut. Out of no where Adrian with the
MASADRIVER! Adrian quickly covers, hooking the leg.
DING DING DING
Daddario: The winner of this match, ADRIAN KALIS!!!!
Adrian helps his step mother to her feet and they embrace in a
hug as Tamika lifts his hand up high.
Gerry Essex: Oh
thank god! The boss doesnít need the hassle of leading the
Order. They are a tad crazy. You might be too young to remember
but ten years ago the Cowgirls were in a slump and the Order
beat the hell out of them for it.
Cara Townsend: I may
have been 11 at the time Gerry, but I remember. The Order is
supposed to be the best there is, was, and ever will be in this
Gerry Essex: Why does that sound familiar....
Cara Townsend: Donít worry about it Gerry. Anyways... lets
tune into area B for the drama!
All Falls Down
remains in the ring, he seems to be eyeing a woman who has
somehow made it onto the gated property. Cara and Gerry from
their comfortable sheltered conditions take notice to that
Cara Townsend: Hey Gerry, you see what I see? And
do not say a little silhouette of a man....
I think I saw her in the crowd when Adrian broke Dyceís neck.
The woman leaps over the guard rail as Adrian steps out
of the ring, she reaches into her purse and pulls out a can of
bear mace and sprays it wildly at the security who are rushing
towards her and at Adrian himself. Adrian winces as he tries to
wipe the mace from his eyes, and he coughs as he breathed some
of it in. She continues yelling wildly at Adrian as more
security comes, this time cautiously trying to approach her.
Cara Townsend: Oh shit I think thatís Dyceís wife!
Gerry Essex: I thought Jeremy Gold was?
No, thatís Vega.
She seems to calm down as she drops the
bear mace but, she immediately reaches into her purse and pulls
out a brick which she swings and connects with Adrians face. He
didnít even see it coming as he tried to wipe more bear mace
from his eyes and facezsn.
Cara Townsend: Good thing the
boss was here to call on those paramedics!
Gerry Essex: I
am just curious how she got out that far. I am very thankful we
are in this enclosed movie theatre watching this on a mini IMAX.
As the medics place Adrian on the stretcher, as he
bleeds profusely from the new gash in his forehead, the woman is
tackled by security and is lead away to police officers who have
now arrived on the scene to take her into custody.
Every other Wednesday Evening Tune into weareSPLAT! For
Wendesday Night Chaos!
Strader versus Izzie McDee Legend Killer Series Stipulation: Unknown
Our screens tune into ĎArea Bí where
Izzie McDee continues her Legend Killer Series against Scott
Nash Strader. Both competitors are in the ring awaiting the
match to begin as Scott Strike, star of 2017's LEATHERFACE,
stands in the middle of the ring in black shoes, blue jeans,
black retro PWA t-shirt, and brown leather bomber style jacket
with a microphone in hand.
Scott Strike: The following
contest is a FIRST BLOOD match!
Scott looks over at Izzie
and sneers as all match types tonight were secret until minutes
before the bell was to ring. Izzie shrugs and pays no heed to
her opponentís imposing family sneer.
Cara Townsend: Oh
Gerry Essex: First blood, eh?
Strike: In this corner weighing in at 295 pounds standing at a
staggering 6'10", hailing from right here in Texas... he is the
patriarch of the Strader family....
The camera pans to SNS
as the big man winks into the camera mouthing the words Ďpiece
of cakeí while gesturing towards Izzie McDee.
Strike: And his opponent weighing in at a 160 pounds standing at
5'9", hailing from Ashville, North Carolina.....
The camera pans to Izzie McDee
now as she smiles and blows a kiss into the lens for the fans
watching at home.
Cara Townsend: First blood, I bet
Meghan picked out that stipulation.
Gerry Essex: Thatís
a very good possibility! Scott Strike is out of the ring now and
the official calling the match tonight is Michelle Attwood and
she has just signaled for the bell!
DING DING DING!!!!
The referee, Michelle Attwood, moves out of the way between
McDee and Strader, who immediately go to work on each other.
Strader gets the early advantage and puts McDee in a hammerlock,
but McDee quickly counters with a sharp elbow to the nose of
Strader, and McDee follows it up with a sharp roundhouse kick,
sending Strader into the ropes. Strader comes storming out of
the ropes and nails McDee with a right hook, and follows it up
with a big uppercut. McDee staggers back and Strader goes for a
grapple, but McDee drives her knee into Straderís gut and plants
him into the mat with a DDT.
Cara Townsend: McDee is
trying to take the advantage early in the match Gerry. Sheís
gotta keep Scott on the defensive if she plans to win this
Gerry Essex: I agree, but thatís a hard task. We
all know how tough Scott is and Iíve watched his career and heís
not one that bleeds all that easy.
McDee gets Strader up
to his feet and sends him into the ropes. McDee drops for a
telegraphed dropkick, but Strader sidesteps away from it. McDee
crashes to the mat, but immediately gets up. Strader delivers a
stiff kick to McDeeís stomach and lifts McDee up for a big-time
powerbomb he calls THE FINISHING TOUCH!
Gerry Essex: Oh
man! The entire ring shook violently with that one! That canít
bode too well for McDeeís back but at least the her ankles are
Strader goes into the ropes and does a
big-time elbow drop to McDeeís ankle. Strader up to his feet,
and stomps on McDeeís ankle some more.
Gerry Essex: I
take that back..
Cara Townsend: It was only a matter of
time before Strader went for that ankle. And McDee knows
Straderís weaknesses too.
Strader lays off a moment and
McDee uses the ropes to get back to her feet. She is favoring
that ankle, and Strader moves in to attack. McDee dodges a right
hook, and delivers a gut punch to Scott. McDee follows that up
immediately with a left hook to Scottís jaw, and then smashes
Scottís face into the turnbuckle. McDee grabs Scott by the head,
climbing up the turnbuckle with her feet, leaping off the top
and hitting a big-time tornado DDT!
Gerry Essex: What a
Cara Townsend: McDee can pull off some great moves
despite that ankle.
McDee slides to the outside and
begins digging underneath the ring for weapons. She pulls out a
few chairs, a ladder, and a baseball bat. She tosses them all
into the ring. McDee climbs up on the apron and then climbs to
the top turnbuckle. Strader gets to his feet, but gets
immediately knocked back down with a missile dropkick from
McDee. McDee gets to her feet and picks up one of the chairs.
Gerry Essex: And McDeeís calling for it! Sheís gonna try to
put an end to this thing right now!
Cara Townsend: Thatís
smart, Gerry. The earlier she can get this over with, make him
bleed and call it a night.
Gerry Essex: And McDeeís going
for the kill!
McDee rushes and swings, but Strader blocks
it with the other chair. McDee tries one more time, and their
chairs collide. They hold them together, face to face, but
Strader begins to easily overpower McDee. McDee slips out of the
hold and sweeps Strader off his feet with the chair. McDee lifts
the chair high into the air and slams it down on Scottís chest.
Gerry Essex: Thatís gotta hurt!
Cara Townsend: All
the years of cigarettes and cigars catching up with the big man.
Looks like he is having trouble breathing!
And you can bet your bottom dollar that McDee knows that!
Cara Townsend: My.. what?
Gerry Essex: Itís an
Cara Townsend: Ok, boomer.
throws the chair away and gets Strader to his feet. She lands a
right hook, and then slams Strader into the turnbuckle. McDee
throws the ladder on top of Strader in the corner and then
rushes to the other corner. McDee throws her arm up and then
charges. She leaps and tries for a corner splash, but Strader
shoves the ladder into McDeeís face!
Cara Townsend: Good
God! Strader just cracked McDeeís head with that ladder!
Gerry Essex: That was a dangerous move from McDee, but there
would have been a hell of a pay off if Strader hadnít reversed
Cara Townsend: How is she not bleeding?
Essex: Quick question, if itís her time of the month... does
Cara Townsend: *face palms*
Strader gets a hand on that baseball bat that McDee threw into
the ring. McDee manages to get to her feet, shaking off that hit
from the ladder. Straderís in the batterís box. He swings and -
McDee goes down to one knee,
yelling in pain. Strader begins to choke McDee out with the bat.
All the official (Michelle Attwood) can do is sit back and
watch, there are no disqualifications in a first blood match.
McDee drops to both knees, her face turning red. Sheís trying to
fight, but she canít overpower Strader. McDee falls to the mat
with Strader still trying as hard as he can to choke McDee out.
McDeeís face turns pale.
Cara Townsend: Heís gonna kill
Gerry Essex: Naw, heís just teaching her some
Finally when Strader thinks itís enough, he lets
go. McDee lays there motionless on the mat and Scott pulls a
soft of Marlboro Redís out of back pocket and lights a
Cara Townsend: Whatís he doing smoking during
Gerry Essex: Well if his son John can win a
match by forcing a pin with his handgun over in project: Honor,
then surely the father can have a smoke during a first blood
Cara Townsend: There is zero logic in that
statement. Scoot should be trying to make his step granddaughter
McDee has crawled across the ring and uses the
ropes as she begins to try and get to her feet. Scott takes a
final drag as he flicks the smoke off into the dirt thatís just
past the ringside matting on the ground.
Come on, Scoot! This isnít your ash tray!
No it isnít but he owns the place.
Attwood backs away
from checking on Izzie and SNS comes rushing in and spears McDee
into the corner. Strader rams his shoulder into McDee once more,
and then picks McDee up and hits a big belly-to-back suplex.
McDee crashes on one of the chairs. Sheís holding her back.
Strader picks up the baseball bat again. Strader swings and
connects with McDeeís face!
Gerry Essex: OH MY GOD!
Strader might have broken McDeeís jaw with that!
Townsend: How in the hell is she not bleeding?!!?!
Strader looks at the bat in disbelief. He tosses it away with
anger and frustration and picks McDee up. He tosses him into the
corner with one arm, and then hits a running clothesline. McDee
falls to the mat and Strader keeps the assault alive with a
series of punches and stomps.
Gerry Essex: I donít know
if McDee can take much more of this, Cara. She just canít seem
to keep an offense going against Strader tonight, itís
reminiscent of her match against Seldon at High Stakes.
Cara Townsend: I donít know, she was mounting offence back in
Strader sets up the ladder in the opposite
corner. He gets McDee up to her feet and tries to whip her into
the ladder, but McDee reverses and kicks Strader low and hard.
McDee grabs Strader by his dirty blonde hair thatís turning grey
in his maturing days and throws him headfirst into the ladder.
Gerry Essex: Good reversal by McDee there!
Townsend: That definitely looked painful, but Strader is up to
McDee leaps up to the top rope her back to the
ring. McDee then leaps backwards off, corkscrewing around to
face Strader, and hits a cross body taking the near 7 foot big
man to his backside. McDee gets to her feet as big man starts
too as well. Strader gets to one knee, trying to shake off the
pain and gets to his feet, still a little dazed. The Attwood
checks him out, and Strader continues the fight. McDee gets on
the defense, but Strader unleashes a quick jab and then takes
McDee down with a clothesline. McDee gets back up and Strader
tries for a big boot, but McDee dodges and sweeps Strader to the
mat. McDee leaps off the top rope with a perfect moonsault.
Gerry Essex: And McDee is staying on the offensive! I owe
Jim in catering 5 American dollars.
Cara Townsend: I
donít get why she went for that move being there are no
Strader gets to his feet and McDee nails a
right hook. McDee tries for another punch, but Strader blocks it
and grabs McDee by her throat.
Gerry Essex/Cara Townsend:
Strader slams McDee to the mat with a massive
chokeslam. McDee yells in pain as she connects with some of the
ladder. Strader puts the ladder over McDeeís head and chest, and
ascends to the top rope. He stands tall atop the high
turnbuckle, ready to sacrifice it all for the win. If sheíll
bleed but at this point she may be Supergirl and SNS will need
to find some kryptonite,
Gerry Essex: Good God, Strader
could crush McDee with this move.
Cara Townsend: This
canít be happening.
Strader jumps in leg drop fashion and
connects with the ladder, and nothing else.
Townsend: McDee slipped out in time! Strader is in severe pain!
McDee gets to her feet and begins to lay into Strader.
Rights and lefts, and even a few kicks for good measure. Strader
looks dazed lying on the mat. McDee grabs Strader and tosses him
out of the ring. McDee nails a right hook and sends Strader into
the barricade. Strader fights back with a left jab that sends
McDee staggering back, then Strader spears McDee into the side
of the ring. McDee drops Strader to a knee with a double-arm axe
handle to Straderís back. McDee shoves Strader to the ground and
begins to stomp on him some more.
Gerry Essex: This is
madness Cara ! These two are fighting like they have a year long
Cara Townsend: I donít imagine Izzie having the
greatest opinion of her opponent considering neither Showtime or
Thunderwolf would have a good thing to say about him outside of
his accomplishments and itís an well known fact her step-mom
isnít the biggest fan of him neither.
Gerry Essex: Isnít
the biggest fan either? AND WINNER OF UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE
Cara Townsend: Someone took their
Ďdouchebagí pill this morning.
Scott manages to grab onto
her ankle and yank her off her feet. He eyes up a chair close to
him as Izzie does the same. Both competitors crawl towards their
Gerry Essex: Look at these two, I think
they have the same idea.
Cara Townsend: just a matter of
who gets to their chair first.
Izzie grabs onto her as
Scott grabs his. They both stand up and ook over their shoulders
to eye each other up. Izzie flips her chair around grabbing onto
itís legs, as does Scott with his.
Cara Townsend: Oh
Shit, they are thinking the same thing.
Gerry Essex: Oh
this is gonna hurt!
They pivot with all the leverage they
can muster and their chairs connect with each others faces at
the exact same time causing blood from Izzie McDee and Scott
Nash Strader fly through the air, some even hitting Michelle
Attwood in the face. She wipes the blood from her face as both
Izzie and Scott lay on the mat motionless as she calls for the
DING DING DING!
Cara Townsend: Wait, so who
Gerry Essex: I think itís obvious Scoot wins just
based on my previous question about the menstrual cycle.
Cara Townsend: Remind me to ask mrs. Kelser and Mrs. Kalis for
permission to hit you when you say stupid shit.
Essex: You are gonna be hitting me a lot then.
will soon have her answer as Tamika Kalis rolls up to Area B
accompanied by Dustin Kelser in their own standard green
electric golf carts. Dustin immediately tends to his daughter,
and Tamika does the same with her dad but not before whispering
into the officials ear. Attwood leans over the top rope and
motions Strike to come closer. Scott Strike nods and grabs his
Scott Strike: The following contest has been
declared a draw!
Gerry Essex: A draw? What the hell?!
Cara Townsend: If anyone won, it was Izzie
McDee. However neither one of these two look like they feel like
Dustin has helped his daughter to the golf cart
to take her back to Meghan and Tamikaís house within the estate
the show is being broadcasted from. Tamika has done the same
with Scott and heads towards his place which also is
conveniently within the Strader Estate.
Maya Kalis versus Meghan
Standard Match Bringing Order to the OoC
We move back to
the commentary team in their set up area in the home movie
theatre SNS had built for his grandchildren. As a audience who
loves horror (if not, what are you doing here for this show?) We
soak up all the Texas Chainsaw Massacre paraphernalia in this
excessively large home movie theatre. The seats have all been
removed and dead centre facing the screen is PWA black and
silver commentary desk where Cara and Jerry sit and watch all
the matches on the equivalent of 8 65" 8K televisions in one big
screen for the ultimate viewing experience. Cara flashes her
pearly whites for us watching.
Cara Townsend: itís been a
heck of a night so far with Adrian Kalis advancing in the
Orderís tournament to crown a new Supreme Leader!
Essex: And we saw Scoot Nash Strader get a tooth knocked out in
the unbelievably violent first blood match. I had one of the
ring crew guys at Area B to scoop up the teeth and get them to
Cara Townsend: Why in the heck would you do
Gerry Essex: Those babies will be worth a small
Cara Townsend: Yeah, sure they will.
you could hear her eye roll, it would be the one that followed
Gerry Essex: Iíll be laughing last.
Cara Townsend: No doubt, Gerry. No doubt. Anyways up next we
have Maya Kalis versus Meghan Kelser in their bout for this
Gerry Essex: Yeah I got a lot of
money riding on this match!
Cara Townsend: I donít even
wanna know what the bet is.
Gerry Essex: Well good, I
wasnít going to tell you anyways...
Cara Townsend: Letís
head to Area ĎCí for Maya versus Meghan!
turns towards the giant screen and shortly after the viewing has
filled our TVís, browsers, smart phones, etc. Meghan and Maya
are in their respective corners awaiting Jessica Biel to
announce the match and competitors involved. She wears clothes
similar to her movie The Texas Chainsaw Massacre reboot but much
much much cleaner and not tattered. Yet. The night is young.
Cara Townsend: Wow I canít believe Jessica Biel is here!
Gerry Essex: The bosses went all out! I hope Bill Moseley is
Jessica Biel: In this corner standing in 5'19 and
weighing in at 200 pounds hailing from Montreal, Quebec
Canada... MAYA KALIS!!!!!!!!!
Maya bouncing from her left
foot to right foot throws a few jabs at the camera lens.
Cara Townsend: If I was a betting girl, and I am not, I
would say Maya is gonna be Queen Supreme.
Iíll have to check with my bookie.
Jessica Biel: And in
this corner standing 5'10" and weighing in at 160 pounds...
hailing from London, Ontario Canada... she is one of the owners
of the Pioneer Wrestling Association... MEGHAN.... KELSER!!!!!
Meghan tilts her head to the right and winks into the camera
before laying the family trademark sneer. Jessica steps out
between the ropes and sits over with the time keeper at 6ft
Cara Townsend: Lance Westin is the official this
round of the Orderís tournament.
Gerry essex: Heís a
fair and good man.
DING DING DING!!!!!
hopping around the ring, back and forth, her eyes focused on
Kelser. Kelser lunges forward and grabs her by the neck, and
Maya tosses her into the corner turnbuckle. She charges into the
corner, landing an elbow across her head, which sends Maya
crumpling in the corner in a heap. Kelser puts her boot across
Maya's throat and begins pushing down, crushing her throat. She
kicks and tries to scream, frantically grabbing onto Kelser's
leg and twists to the right with a extra bit of Ďumpfhí.
Cara Townsend: Oh thatís the bosses bad knee but she got herself
some good shots in beforehand.
Gerry Essex: Iíll be
honest with you Cara, I am not sure how much she wants to win
this match. I am calling a Maya win right here and now!
Cara Townsend: You might be right, I know that Meghan and Tamika
arenít too happy about being apart of the roster.
holds her throat but gets quickly mud hole stomped into oblivion
by Meghan Kelser for her troubles. Kelser lifts Maya up and
tosses her across the ring, she lands hard on the canvas
clutching her sides. Kelser heads to the top rope and comes
flying off with an elbow drop, crushing Maya's chest in and then
Kelser looks up at the referee Lance Westin and shakes her head,
but he holds two fingers signifying it was a two count. Maya
rolls out of the ring and falls to the outside of the ring and
Meghan Kelser slides out of the ring after her. Westin begins
the obligatory count.
She lifts her off the
ground and grabs her by the back of the neck, twisting her back
but Maya grabs her by her Cowgirls From Hell belt buckle and
yanks herself to a standing position pushing Kelser closer to
the mat but she remains on her feet.
elbows her in the ribs and grabs her head and smashes it against
the guard rail. She hops up onto the ring apron and then hits a
missile dropkick on Kelser, sending her right over the guard
rail onto the gravel just past the ring mats surrounding the
Cara Townsend: That
definitely would have knocked out the plexiglass back at the PWA
Gerry Essex: Thatís what happens when we get stuff
made in China.
The refs count hits 6 and
Maya rolls into the ring and then back out to restart it. Kelser
climbs back over the guardrail. She motions her to enter but
Kelser circles the ring then slides back in. Maya runs at her
but she gets caught in a grapple. Kelser pushes down on her and
she realizes she they are almost equal in size and strength, so
she squirms her way out. She puts her into a wristlock, but she
easily escapes it. Maya with a thrust kick to Kelser's thigh,
then another to her gut and another to her ribs. She follows it
up with a rising knee straight to her face and finally takes her
down. She hits a standing moonsault and covers.
Maya rolls off of her and
lifts her up to her feet. But Kelser with a european uppercut
and she follows it up with BLACKENED!! She covers!
NO!!!! MAYA KICKS OUT!
Kelser drives her elbow hard across her forehead and then gets
up, flips her over so she is laying on her stomach. She locks in
FOUR STICKS! Maya writhes in pain and reaches for the ropes but
can't make it. Lance checks on her, seeing if she'll tap. She
refuses but Kelser continues to apply tremendous pressure. Maya
grabs her head and winces, shaking her head in complete refusal.
Cara Townsend: Say what you will but this has been fast and
Gerry Essex: If my wife had a nickel for
every time I said...
Maya makes one last ditch effort to
reach the ropes and manages to grab the bottom rope. Kelser lets
go but she grabs her up off her feet and gives her a big knee
into the gut. She keels forward, and Kelser grabs hold of her
but Maya slips out at the last second before she can a inverted
piledriver but instead is greeted with PERDITION!!!!!!
DING DING DING!
Jessica Biel: The winner of this match and advancing in the
Orderís tournament... MAYA KALIS!!!!
Meghan gets to her
knees which causes Maya to extend her hand out to her aunt
through marriage but her hand is greeted with a smack. Meghan
pulls herself up on her own and gets into Mayaís face. Lance and
Biel look tense than breathe a sigh of relief as Meghanís sneer
has turned to a smile and has embraced Maya in a bear hug.
Cara Townsend: What a quick back and forth between these two
Gerry Essex: I canít believe I owe Jim
in catering five bucks.
Cara Townsend: Are you still
moaning about that?
Gerry Essex: Hey, five bucks is five
bucks. I didnít realize you had money to burn!
Townsend: Says the guy who gambles his money away. Anyways, up
next... PWA Grizzly Beer Championship will be decided!
Jacob Figgins versus ??????? PWA Grizzly Beer
Championship Match Stipulation: Unknown
The actor that
played Pam in the 1974 classic, Terri McMinn stands in the
middle of the ring in Area ĎDí that is also surrounded by a
standard cage... (or is it?) And only Jacob Figgins and the
official Scott Swindell are with her as the match stipulation
isnít the only secret tonight at Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
Teri McMinn: The following match is to crown a brand new PWA
Grizzly Beer Champion! The first competitor standing in at 6'3",
weighing in at 238 pounds, and hailing form Saskatoon,
Saskatchewan Canada he is JACOB FIGGINS!!!
at the camera and the millions of fans here on earth and a
galaxy far away because he is the space man.
McGinn: And his opponent who has finally passed a COVID-19...
Cara Townsend: No, it canít be!
Gerry Essex: I am so
glad to be in the comfort of Scoot Nash Straderís home movie
theatre right now.
Before Teri can even get out of the
ring Vega comes flying up to Area ĎDí on a really shitty go-kart
and the dirty looking Vega makes his way to the caged ring. Teri
and the official get out of the ring.
Wait, why did Swindell get out of the ring too?
Vega enters the ring and Figgins rushes him,
slamming him into the cage door just as it clicks shut. Both men
bounce off the door just before the flames shoot up it.
Cara Townsend: Oh my god! Itís an Inferno Cage Match!
Vega lands on top of Figmeister and starts to hammer him with
punches, but Figgins grabs his head and knocks him off with a
headbutt. Figgins rushes over and keeps Vega down with a knee to
the face, bloodying his nose. Figgins wraps his arms around
Vega's head with a chin lock to keep the champion grounded.
Cara Townsend: That's good strategy by Figgins, he's making
it hard for Vega to breathe and air is already going to be hard
to come by in that cage plus I am sure the COVID didnít help
either so heís conserving his energy.
Gerry Essex: Well
itís a good thing Fig got off the cocaine.
cage, Vega manages to squirm around and start hitting Figgins in
the ribs with his elbow. Figgins rakes Vega across the eyes but
rolls away and gets to his feet. Figmeister delivers two hard
kicks to the ribs of the COVID-19 patient-zero. As Figmeister
starts to kick, Vega sweeps his leg out from under him. Figgins
crashes down hard on his back and head. Vega bends down to pull
Figgins to his feet, but Figmeister punches back. Vega steps
back and nails Figgins in the throat with a roundhouse kick.
Figgins collapses to the mat clutching his throat and now Vega
pulls him to his feet. Vega scoops him up and throws him
backwards with a t-bone suplex. Figgins crashes into the cage
and falls to the mat and rolls back toward the middle of the
Cara Townsend: That was a brutal suplex and Vega
isn't even trying to pin him!
Gerry Essex: He might be
filthy but he is smart, Cara. He saw that Figgins had the
presence of mind to roll on the mat in case he was on fire, and
a man that aware, he's not getting pinned just yet.
picks Figgins up and drops him down with a sidewalk slam, with
Vega's elbow driving into Figgins's throat. Vega hooks a leg...
Look at that, the first pinfall attempt and it was a near fall!
That is proof positive that this match can take the fight out of
Gerry Essex: Notice how Vega is targeting
Figgins's throat? It is real hard to put up a fight if you can't
Vega stands up and measures his opponent, then
hits him with a knee drop to the throat. Vega gets back up and
grinds his heel into Figgins's face. Figgins tries to pull
himself to his feet using Vega, but the champion laughs and
shoves him away. Vega delivers another knee drop and makes the
pulls Figgins to his feet, but Figmeister droops down to his
knees. Vega locks his arms around Figgins's waist and flips him
up for a powerbomb and covers.
Cara Townsend: Vega has to be wondering what it
is gonna take to put Figgins away.
Vega steps back,
waiting for Figgins to get to his feet. Figmeister struggles and
only makes it up to one knee and stops, trying to catch his
breath. Vega rushes forward, launches himself off of Figgins's
knee and goes for a shining wizard. Figgins ducks his head under
the kick and Vega goes flying from the momentum. Figgins rolls
over and locks Vega in an ankle lock.
Figgins is trying to take away Vega's speed advantage and buy
himself a little recovery time, great plan. Even better, it will
be all up to Vega to break the hold, because there's no rope
break in a cage match let alone a inferno cage match!
Cara Townsend: And he'd better hurry up and do it, he's laying
dangerously close to the flames.
Vega starts kicking at
the back of Figgins's head and Figmeister is forced to release
the hold. Figgins rolls away and gets to his feet, taking his
time and keeping his eyes on Vega. The champion gets to his
feet, but a combination of injured ankle and a pool of sweat on
the mat sending him crashing back down. Figgins pounces on him ,
locking his arms around the champ's waist and flinging him up
off the mat in a german suplex.
Figgins pulls Vega to his feet by the hair
and drags him towards the ropes.
Cara Townsend: What is
Figmeister pushes Vega into the ropes and
hits him with a high knee to the midsection. The champ slumps
against the ropes and Figgins twists Vega's arms into the ropes,
trapping him there.
Gerry Essex: Vega is just inches from
the wall of flames! Thank god we arenít at ringside to smell
Figgins steps back and then charges Vega, spearing
him right into the side of the cage and holding him there. There
is an audible sizzle as Vega's back is held against the flaming
bars. After several long seconds, Figgins backs up as Vega
screams, then Figgins rushes forward and does it again. Another
few seconds pass before Figgins backs up and runs forward for a
third time. Vega uses the ropes to pivot up, and Figgins runs
underneath Vega, hitting the cage with his head. Figgins falls
backwards, his hair on fire and flails at his head to extinguish
the flames. Figgins gets up and heads toward Vega, but Vega
again uses the ropes to pivot and kicks Figgins in the face.
Figmeister falls backwards and Vega starts trying to get loose
from the ropes. Figgins gets to one knee and stops, panting, as
Vega gets loose and charges Figgins. Figgins sees him coming and
scoops Vega up in a fireman's carry and the crowd can clearly
see Vega's blistered, cracked back. Figgins surges up to his
feet and dumps Vega down with the MOONSHINE DELERIUM!!!!
Teri McGinn: Ladies and
gentlemen your new PWA Grizzly Beer Champion... JACOB
We move to the final Area ĎGí for our main
event of the evening where the Phoenix stands in his corner with
his big gold World title over his shoulder. He shares the ring
with horror legend Bill Moseley who is dressed as Chop Top From
TCM part 2.
Chop Top: Yíall look good enough to eat!
Muahahahaha. So this match is a Hell in a Cell match up!
Cara Townsend: I am glad we are safely up inside this house.
Gerry Essex: Oh Bill is a very friendly guy. Nothing to
worry about. Besides, heís out there by the Hell in a Cell that
has been littered with weapons!!!!
Chop Top Moseley: In
this corner we have the current chump... oh sorry... champ...
*eye roll* weighing in at something, standing depends on what
7/11 yíall are leaving, he is The Pontiac Firebird!
Robinson doesnít look all that impressed as he probably hoped
heíd get to go home since Hunter didnít show.
MoseleyĒ The challenger is some broad... oh, right Tamika Kalis!
DING DING DING!!!
The Phoenixís eyes go wide as
tamika seemingly appears out of no where as she gets the Phoenix
locked up in a Hell in a Cell. The Phoenix and Tamika stand
center ring, surrounded by weapons hanging from the steel cage.
Collar and elbow lockup, The Phoenix shoving with all of his
weight, but Tamika plants her feet firmly into the mat.
Cara Townsend: I canít believe Tamika is wrestling tonight for
the World title after opening the show.
Gerry Essex: She
is trying to get control back of her championships, itís a shrew
move on her part!
They release the hold, staring at each
other and both go for a forearm shot and both connect sending
the other stumbling. The Phoenix charges forward with a
clothesline, Tamika ducking under and kicking backwards with her
right foot, he spins around catching the foot. Tamika with a
reverse enzeguri catching The Phoenix just over his right eye
sending him into the ropes. Tamika presses her advantage as The
Phoenix rebounds off the ropes missing a running forearm smash.
Tamika spins out of the way of the forearm, but doesn't avoid
The Phoenix's kick into her ribs bending her over in pain. The
Phoenix presses his advantage with a forearm to the back of
Tamika sending her down on one knee. Tamika sends a right fist
into The Phoenix's midsection before shoving him back towards
the center of the ring. The Phoenix bounces off the ropes with a
running knee, but Tamika slams The Phoenix down onto the canvas
with a spinebuster that seems to catch Cara and Gerry off guard.
Cara Townsend: Wow the boss is kicking ass!
Essex:Sheís not gonna win.
Cara Townsend: What makes you
Gerry Essex: Because itís The Phoenix.
Tamika off the ropes, leg drop onto The Phoenix as Tamika is in
firm control. Tamika pulls The Phoenix up, sending him into the
ropes and she follows quickly with a elbow smash sending him
over the top rope to the floor below. He lands heavily on the
outside and Tamika climbs up top, looking to do some major
damage while she can. The Phoenix gets up, a bit groggy, but
turns to see Tamika flying at him with an axe handle smash. He
catches her, tossing her into the cage with a release belly to
belly suplex and the cage rattles upon impact as Tamika falls
into heap on the ringside mars. The Phoenix stalks over, picking
up the steel chair hanging off the cage to use as a weapon. He
swings down as Tamika is on one knee, connecting with a solid
thunk on his skull and laying him out on the floor, the un
padded dirt floor. The Phoenix pulls Tamika back up to her feet.
Cara Townsend: The Phoenix showing his strength there as he
threw Tamika into the cage.
Gerry Essex: No one is
doubting or has ever doubted The Phoenix's strength, but then
again Oxís are strong, dumb as rocks, but strong.
with a shot into The Phoenix's junk, doubling the suddenly
mortal man over in pain as he holds himself, but Tamika doesn't
stop. Tamika sends The Phoenix down with a swinging neckbreaker
onto the floor and winces a bit as she gets up to his feet a
second time. Tamika digs under the ring as though the weapons
hanging from the cage aren't enough. Tamika pulls out a wooden
table and she is right, there are no tables hanging from the
cage so she made the right call. Tamika sets up the table,
looking over at The Phoenix who is on one knee. Tamika with a
running knee misses as he ducks to the side firing right hands
rapidly into Kali's ribs that he kicked earlier, but Tamika
fights through with a roundhouse kick to the back of The
Phoenix's skull. The Phoenix accepts the blow, but manages to
somehow get up to his feet and meet Tamika with a look of
determination on her face. Right from The Phoenix, right from
Tamika! Right from The Phoenix! Right from Tamika!
Essex: This is reminding me of Captain America fighting off
Cara Townsend: Robinson is nowhere as honorable
Neither talent has slowed down, they are both red
and look sore, but neither PWA superstar has stopped throwing
fists into the other's face and head! Tamika with a left catches
The Phoenix off guard, but only for a moment as he returns the
left fist with one of his own and now four fists are flying and
four fists are connecting!
Cara Townsend: Do you hear the
sound of their fists striking flesh?!
Gerry Essex: I
can't believe they are still standing!
but so does The Phoenix as these two appear to be very evenly
matched here tonight! The Phoenix with a running charge, Tamika
with a hip toss sends him over to crash into the steel and leave
a dent where he slammed into it as well! The Phoenix rolls back
over and somewhat up to his feet, Tamika with a running knee
slams it right into The Phoenix's face but the the Champ wavers
on his knees shaking his head and refusing to go down. Tamika
nods and slams a second knee into The Phoenix's face before
pulling him up and whipping him into the corner post. His
forehead connects with a solid sound and he bounces back into a
release German suplex that causes his skull to slam heavily onto
the onto the dirt floor.
Gerry Essex: Someone check the
dirt out there, it may be dented!
Cara Townsend: Tamika
in control here, but who can tell for how long?
drops a knee onto The Phoenix's head before pulling him up and
the back of his shirt is bloody as the dirt and grave; opened up
a wound on the back of his skull. The Phoenix stumbles forward,
but Tamika helps him along with a running bulldog slamming face
first onto the dirt floor. Tamika rolls The Phoenix over,
slamming the back of his skull into the ground, trying to open
the wound up even more, but The Phoenix shoves with a right hand
and Tamika backs off somewhat out of surprise. Tamika pulls him
up to his feet, lifting the former Pantheon leader up for a
Double Arm DDT!
Cara Townsend: Look at the feat of
Gerry Essex: I repeat my statement about
The Phoenix rolls on through, much to the shock
of everyone. He is up to his feet lunging at Tamika with a
spear. Tamika spins out of the way, The Phoenix runs up the side
of the steps spinning around with a roundhouse kick catching
Tamika right in the face sending her against the ring apron. The
Phoenix with another spear attempt, but Tamika once again spins
out of the way. The Phoenix dives into the ring, up to his feet
quickly and off the opposite ring ropes. Tamika turns around and
The Phoenix launches himself over the top with a Phoenix style
plancha, Tamika catches him!
Cara Townsend: My GAWD!
The momentum carries Tamika into the steel cage, but The
Phoenix uses the chance to grab a staple gun and release a few
staples into Tamikaís body!
Gerry Essex: The Phoenix is treating
Tamika like she is just a stack of papers!
The Phoenix, but The Phoenix isn't finished, he sends a staple
right into Kalis's forehead causing a small trickle of blood to
begin flowing from the wound. The Phoenix with a forearm backs
Tamika up a bit, but the clothesline sends her down onto the
wooden table Tamika set up a bit ago. The Phoenix looks up to
the top of the cage before digging under the ring as well. The
Phoenix pulls out a ladder, setting it up near Tamika for a very
high risk move here to possibly end the match.
Essex: Its not often that these type of moves pay off, but when
Cara Townsend: Will the ladder hold The
Phoenix's weight? With all that Yoohoo the PWA is supplying itís
former owner youíd think heíd lose that girlish figure.
Gerry Essex: Thatís why he has personal trainers, duh.
The Phoenix begins climbing up, but Tamika rolls off the table
and shoves the ladder as he is half-way up its height. The
ladder falls, but he jumps down before he is injured from the
fall, he looks up and Tamika slams a chair right into his face
sending him against the cage. Tamika with a second shot and a
third busts the forehead of The Phoenix open and the blood
begins to flow down his face to create a crimson mask under his
Gerry Essex: Now The Phoenix's bleeding from
the forehead, wonder if it is blood or his brains?
Townsend: It is Halloween... brains... mmm... brains...
Gerry Essex: Stop that, I have unmatched fear of zombies that
people do of clowns
Cara Townsend: So, Sunday nights on
AMC is too much for you then?
Gerry Essex: *hiss* shut
your whore mouth!
Tamika swings the chair again, but The
Phoenix slams a double fist into her stomach causing Tamika to
drop the chair. The Phoenix lunges forward, but Tamika lifts a
knee to meet his face standing him back up. Tamika with a second
knee catches him in the midsection and a DDT puts him on the
dirt for now. Tamika lifts the ladder up, closing it and
suplexing it onto The Phoenix's back before rolling the champion
up to his feet and slamming his face into a pizza pan hanging
from the side of the cage leaving a red smear that is not pizza
Gerry Essex: Vampire favourite, pizza with extra
The Phoenix stumbles away from the onslaught,
but Tamika gives chase with another pizza pan slam to the back
of him this time.
Tamika with a right, but The Phoenix
rolls out of the way onto the backside of the ladder sending
Tamika struggling to hold onto the ladder she grabbed after her
pizza pan attack but with them climbing up it is it sways from
the weight of the two competitors. Tamika with a huge right
hand, The Phoenix avoids by ducking to the right and he connects
with a chop that Tamika falls back from. Tamika lands on the
table, quickly rolling up to her knees and back to the ladder
with a dive towards The Phoenix!
Gerry Essex: All that
work and they aren't going to fall into it?
and Tamika fall towards the cage, the ladder toppling over with
their combined weight causing gravity to rear itís ugly head!
Tamika grabs the cage, but The Phoenix shoves away from the
cage, using the momentum to into the cage to create force to
move away from the cage. The ladder moves away from the cage!
CALF TOSS THROUGH THE TABLES!
Bits of table and blood
fly up into the air from the impact as both competitors go all
the way through the tables to the desert dirt floor below!
Cara Townsend: Oh! MY! GAWD!
Gerry Essex: That...
The referee steps into position, moving
a big chunk of table out of the way in order to see if there is
a pinning position taking place.
Ding Ding Ding
Chop Top Moseley: Winner
of the match.... And still PWA World Champion.... THE
Cara Townsend: He may have
won, but he's not going to be wrestling for like a month.
Gerry Essex: The boss doesnít look like sheís in all that
great of shape either.
The sound of several gunshots
rings out, however the sound is emanating from the sound system.
Gerry Essex: Oh no, this isnít good.
Cara Townsend: I
donít know, sounds like itís a good thing for the PWA
skull emblem of The Order of Chaos once again adorns our screen,
however, the silhouette of a man seated begins to come into
focus as the emblem fades away. He sparks a cigarette, the snap
of his zippo shutting echoes out.
Voice: The king is
Cigarette smoke fills the air around him.
Voice: All hail.
From behind the man, we now see heís
seated somewhere outside as the clouds part to allow the light
of the moon to reveal him.
Simon Kalis: The Order of
He stomps his right foot down, slaps his right
hand over the left side of his chest before extending his right
arm and hand outwards in a raised angle in the classic fascistic
He smirks as he takes a drag off his cigarette,
the smoke rises up as the clouds move over the moon once again,
returning us to darkness.