PWA GRIZZLY BEER CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
STIP: ELECTRIFIED CAGE MATCH ("RIDE THE LIGHTNING")
It's a shame that it took this long for these two men to get in the ring together and fight, but on the bright side their first meeting will be at one of the grandest events of the year and for the prolific Grizzly Beer Championship. Johnny Maverick has passed the 100 day mark for his second Grizzly Beer Championship reign, and he is getting dangerously close to breaking Matt Stone's GB title reign record at 122 days. If Johnny rises victorious at RPM 2, he will eventually hold the record for longest GB title reign ever. However, don't count Harvey out, because at the end of the day, he has fierce striking ability and has been working too hard and for too long to come up empty handed.
Eric Emerson: "The following Ride The Lightning Match is scheduled for one pinfall or submission and is for the PWA Grizzly Beer Championship!"
The lights dim and we see on the Tron the old opening for Harvey's Magic Jungle. The sound of jungle drums and native chanting follow us as we soar over a lush landscape. As we start to dip into the jungle dodging around trees and between vines the music changes.
Harvey . . . Harvey . . . Harvey the Hardcore Hippo!
He doesn't squeel and he doen't cry.
He just pounds you in the eye.
Ahead of us we see what looks like a clearing. Several grass huts around a central firepit.
Harvey told us to Sing a song so
We're making it up as we go along
Harvey . . . Harvey . . . Harvey the Hardcore Hippo !
As we decend toward the grass huts we see several animals sitting in front of one of the dwellings. It singing seems to be coming from them.
So here we ar Mr. Hippo, doing as you say . . .
So don't eat us up or stomp us, let us live another day!
Harvey . . . Harvey . . . Harvey the Hardcore Hippo!!
Out from the hut steps Harvey, waving to his animal friends. At the same time out of the entrance steps Treacherous Hippo Love waving to the crowd.
Eric Emerson: "He hails from Poughkeepsie, New York... standing 6 feet 1 inch and weighing in tonight at 205 pounds..."
He takes off the hippo head and grins as he starts toward the ring. Behind him comes Shorty O'Red, he is wearing a bear costume (in honor of the Grizzly Bear Championship match?) and is riding a unicycle. When he reaches the ring Harvey climbs the stairs and enters the ring setting the head over one of the corner ringposts. Meanwhile Shorty leans the unicycle up against the announce table and leans against the security barricade himself.
Eric Emerson: "He is.. TREACHEROUS... HIPPO... LOVE!"
Jon McDaniel: "I don't really get the guy's humor, to be frank."
Brian Rentfro: "That's cause you have no taste in comedy, Jon. Harvey cracks me up all the time."
Eric Emerson: "And his opponent, from Washington, D.C..."
The opening guitar gives way to a furious assault of bass as Johnny Maverick walks out from behind the curtain, glaring at the audience accusingly before taking a sip of his water bottle.
'Everybody's an Enemy
telling me lies and it's killing me
why they all they want to get rid of me
Everybody's my enemy
Several try to disguise the devil in them
Wanting to get into my cerebellum but I'm
Ready and willing to tell them that I can't f with them
Exhale so hard it got my chest swelling
like my dick does watching naked women
do sick stuff on my porn collection on television'
Johnny makes his way to the ring, threatening any of the fans who get close enough to try and touch him.
Eric Emerson: "He stands 6 feet 2 inches and weighs in tonight at 210 pounds... he is the FILTHY AND FURY.. your Grizzly Beer Champion.."
I don't know who to call a friend
they all just pretend to be
FUCK Everybody this is to all of ya'll
cuz everybody is an enemy'
Eric Emerson: "JOHNNY MAVERICK!"
Johnny enters the ring, and just as the lyrics say 'Fuck Everybody' the second time he raises his middle fingers to the entire audience before backing into a corner and leaning back casually.
DING DING DING!
As referee Lance Weston closes the cage door and his assistant staff on the outside help him secure it tightly, another ring crew member makes sure all personnel are backed away from the structure as they power on the generator that begins to send an electric current through the steel.
Jon McDaniel: Official Lance Weston looks less than comfortable locked in there with those two.
Brian Rentfro: Can you blame him? There's an electric current running through that steel and he's in there with arguably the two least mentally stable wrestlers in this profession. He'd do well to stay far out of their way unless there's a pin attempt, and even then I'd approach with caution.
Jon McDaniel: You got that right. Referees get bounced around all the time but not in an environment like this.
A trained technician checks the voltage to ensure it meets pre-arranged safety requirements, then nods his head towards Weston in approval. With both competitors back in their corners, he signals the timekeeper, who hits the bell.
Jon McDaniel: Hippo and Maverick circle inside the ring staring each other down. Neither is too anxious to make the first move in this deadly setting.
Hippo raises his right arm and begins to approach slowly, perhaps looking for a test of strength to begin. Maverick raises his left him as if to meet him, but before they lock arms lunges in with a front kick to Goldberg's thigh, doubling him over, then lands an uppercut taking him off his feet.
Jon McDaniel: And Maverick strikes first with a quick succession after feinting a test of strength. He mounts Hippo and begins savagely laying into him with right hands, pounding away at his temple.
Maverick pulls him up and sends him flying into the ropes. On his return, Hippo is might with a quick spinning neckbreaker in the center of the ring.
Jon McDaniel: The champion controls the early going in his surroundings. Suffice to say, he's been on quite a tear lately.
Brian Rentfro: The Grizzly Beer title is one that plays to his strengths: Namely, he's a complete whack-job. In settings like this, especially where he can make the rules, Johnny Maverick is a force.
Jon McDaniel: And perhaps one of the more underrated wrestlers in the PWA as well. His résumé is quickly one that justifies more main event opportunities.
With both men on their feet, Maverick attempts a side kick that is caught and countered with a leg drag by Hippo; who shakes out some cob webs and follows quickly with a jumping knee drop to Maverick's sternum.
Jon McDaniel: Maverick is quite winded as he pushes himself to a corner and braces himself upright, but Hippo wastes no time as he lays into him with a sharp elbow to the chin!
The crowd roars in approval as Hippo points to the cage and moves through the ropes to the outside. From the outside he pulls Johnny by his head over to the ropes and hooks his arm over his neck.
Brian Rentfro: And Hippo with a quick snap suplex right into the electrified cage!
A "bzzzz" sound echo throughout the arena as Maverick's back and perhaps even Hippo's shoulders connect with the steel, before both men drop to the area on the floor between the ring and the cage. The crowd responds with an "OOH!"
Jon McDaniel: And Hippo draws first "shock" using the voltage on the outside!
Brian Rentfro: ...First "shock"? Really?
Jon McDaniel: Well, he's not bleeding, but suffice to say that's a fair amount of pain for any human to come into contact with.
Hippo takes his time recuperating from the high-risk maneuver, while Maverick writhes clutching his back. After the cob webs are gone, Hippo drags Maverick up to his feet by his hair and then launches him head first back into the cage.
Brian Rentfro: Yikes! I see smoke billowing up from where Maverick's face impacted the cage!
Jon McDaniel: He kept in contact with the metal for several seconds on that one, Brian. Each one more excruciating than the last.
Brian Rentfro: Hippo throws Maverick back into the ring, and climbs on top looking for a pin!
Jon McDaniel: Kick out!
Hippo spits in disgust as he manhandles Johnny back to a corner and begins launching into him with several rights and lefts. He backs up and looks to finish the combo with a big boot, but Maverick rolls out of the way and his leg gets caught over the top rope.
McDaniel: Hippo is hung out to dry as his leg hands over the top, but Maverick is fighting to get a second wind quick! He moves to the apron and from the outside pulls Hippo's other leg up and mounts him on the turnbuckle.. MY GOD! A top-rope HURRICANRHANA INTO THE ELECTRIFIED CAGE!
Both men fall awkwardly onto the floor as Hippo twitches violently.
Brian Rentfro: Wow, after a maneuver like that I doubt Goldberg is in any condition to kick out of a pin. But Maverick landed awkward on his shoulder after falling to the floor and I don't think he's any better off!
Jon McDaniel: Folks, despite the short time that's elapsed during this match both men are brutally slow to get up. That's because each has now come into contact with that electrically-charged cage for several seconds, which may not look like much, but I can assure you there is more than enough current flowing between that steel to stun any average person and leave them incapacitated.
Brian Rentfro: How the hell did we get board approval for this thing? Does Boxer have any idea the kind of lawsuit he'd be in for if a stagehand came into contact with the cage and got electrocuted?
Jon McDaniel: ...Its, uh, probably best we don't discuss those things on live television.
Maverick finally finds himself back on his feet, though he wobbles as a bit. Hippo is up to one knee, but he's forced up the rest of the way as Maverick slams his forehead against the steel.
Jon McDaniel: Maverick is surging--
Brian Rentfro: Another pun?
Jon McDaniel: --with adrenaline as he slams Hippo into the cage face-first!
Jon McDaniel: Again!
Jon McDaniel: AGAIN!
Hippo's face has several cross-shapes imprints from where his flesh has met the steel now. Maverick continues to bombard him into the cage with violent force.
Jon McDaniel: HE'S HOLDING HIS FLESH AGAINST THE STEEL!
Kicking in pain, finally Hippo responds with an elbow to Maverick's gut, then with a rush of force picks him up and slams him down on the concrete with a sidewalk slam.
Brian Rentfro: Finally, Hippo stops Maverick's assault. Too bad his face looks like a checkered flag.
Jon McDaniel: Despite the high-impact move against the floor, Maverick is the first to move to his feet. Hippo is crawling on the floor looking to try and brace himself against the ring, but Maverick meticulously strikes with an elbow to the side of his face!
Brian Rentfro: Johnny Maverick is moving like a predator stalking his prey, as he takes his time sizing Goldberg up and then delivers a knee to his burnt forehead!
Hippo falls back and braces against the apron, as Maverick stabs away with a vicious knife edge chop. He then grabs his opponent's arms and begins an irish whip, but at the last second Hippo reverses and raises a knee that catches Maverick in the gut and sends him flying up and over.
Jon McDaniel: A counter by Hippo, who starts to pick up Maverick from behind, but as he does so hooks in a crossface chickenwing!
Brian Rentfro: The Hungry, Hungry Hippo!
Perhaps not only in pain but also realizing he's in a ridiculously-named maneuver, Johnny begins flailing to try and create enough room to slip out of the hold but Hippo pushes forward while keeping him in the hold and slams Maverick's face against the cage.
Jon McDaniel: My GOD, Hippo is brutally holding Maverick's face against the cage as he wrenches him in the chickenwing maneuver!!
Not content to have the electricity simply course through his opponents' face, Hippo starts grinding him down the side of the cage.
Brian Rentfro: And Maverick is riding the lightning face-first!
Jon McDaniel: Now YOU'RE punning?
Brian Rentfro: Its just too easy.
Jon McDaniel: There's nothing easy about the predicament that Maverick is in and he's already stopped flailing in any kind of a defense. It looks like the life is leaving his body as the Treacherous Hippo finally relents in his assault against the electric current.
Hippo pulls Maverick from the cage while keeping him locked in the hold and motions for the ref to check his consciousness.
Brian Rentfro: Its all over. He's either out cold or dead at this point.
Weston lifts Maverick's arm high into the air and the crowd watches with bated breath as it drops.
Jon McDaniel: This doesn't look good for the champion!
Once more Weston lifts the arm and allows it to drop uncontested.
Brian Rentfro: Here it comes..
Hippo is nodding his head sadistically in approval as Weston picks up the arm and lets it fall...
Jon McDaniel: NO!!
Maverick's arm stirs just in time as life becomes to come back to him. He lays into whatever part of Hippo's face he can find from his position locked in the chickenwing, and then with all the force he can muster - while still in the hold - puts both feet up onto the ring apron and pushes off sending Hippo into the cage back-first.
Jon McDaniel: UNREAL! Not only does Maverick find the strength to come back from defeat he breaks the hold by sending himself and his opponent into the electrified cage... While STILL locked in the chickenwing! What willpower!
Brian Rentfro: That's not all!
As the crowd roars their approval and with Hippo on the concrete, Maverick continues his adrenaline rush by leaping up onto the electrified cage and shaking it violently as the crowd erupts.
Jon McDaniel: Look at the smile on Maverick's face as he manically shakes the cage with violent force! I think he's actually enjoying himself!!
Brian Rentfro: Wow, I knew this guy was off the deep end, but to think he gets off on this stuff is something I never wanted to know...
Jon McDaniel: Say what now?
Finally Maverick drops down from the cage, still smiling with a devilish smile. Hippo is on his way back up to his feet and Maverick makes a "come on" motion with his arm as he waits.
Jon McDaniel: Hippo back up to his feet and throws a right - Maverick blocks, counters with an elbow! Another! Hippo with a left hook! Another! Hippo lands a right jab and with an irish whi-- NO, Maverick counters and launches him into the steel once more!
Jon McDaniel: Hippo bounces back from the impact and Maverick hooks him from behind. He lifts and hooks the leg!
Brian Rentfro: The ABM!!
Jon McDaniel: He hooks the leg!
DING DING DING!
The bell rings as Maverick rolls off his opponent and lays motionless on the floor of the arena, his burst of adrenaline finally run out.
Eric Emerson: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the "Ride the Lightning" match and STILL your PWA Grizzly Beer champion... "The Filth and the Furrrrrry"... JOHNNY MAVERICK!!
PWA Ring Personnel power down the generator and quickly move into the cage to check on the medical condition of both men.
Jon McDaniel: Once again Johnny Maverick thrives in his element to retain his title.
Brian Rentfro: Yeah, but the whacko absorbed a TON of punishment, both when he powered out of that wicked hold and when he needlessly subjected himself to electro-shock-torture. What kind of condition is that going to leave him in going into next week?
Jon McDaniel: That's the question our diligent personnel are currently trying to answer as both Maverick and Treacherous Hippo Love are being tended to at ringside. What a brutal match, I can't see either of them being anywhere close to one hundred percent any time soon. The lasting damage from those currents could keep them from competing at a high level for months!
Brian Rentfro: Jon, there's something going on our with ADCtron.
The ADCtron blackens for a moment, before the words and voice are seen and sound out throughout the arena. The fans stand at attention when they realize what is happening as the words "Scriptures of Eternity" appear over the screen.
Volume 5:: Untitled.
Dear Miss Fantastic Laura Estella;
What is this I am to suffer these days? Look at how everyone's got an opinion, huh? Flynn likes to think of me as gun toting, hippy gangster. How perfectly versed he is, is he not? I'm not the one who left with his dick between his legs after a loss, was I? These are the people you consider your allies, Ms. Estella? Cowards like Jamie Flynn who can't handle losing? Is this to be your inevitable reaction this weekend?
Even Riona has said she'd be able to character assassinate me had she and I been doing battle once more. Character assassination is all you or any of your friends can hope to achieve on me, because when it comes time to tone me down based on facts and skill you have no plays, no means of talking me down. I win much more than I lose, and if you do your research you'll see a majority of my losses are pretty self inflicted. Four losses? One DQ against Wrath when I bashed my gun over his face. One loss for WarGames which I did so willingly. One more loss for dropping the tag titles willfully for the continued dominance of the Chaos brand in January. Honestly need I go on? Should I explain the draws as well to you?
Before I arrived in the PWA, I hadn't lost a match by pinfall or submission for over five years. That streak came to an end when Mas and I sacrificied ourselves for the glory of the Chaos brand and not ourselves. In truth, the only people to ever actually defeat me in over six years were Matthew Engel and Jethro Hayes and even then it took their combined strength and power to lay waste to Mas and I. Even then, we pushed them to the maximum of their abilities for them to do this.
I was obliterated and defeated, and had to fight again immediately. You at least had rests inbetween your gauntlet, and you won truly and I won't take away from that. But don't you dare take away from me either. I didn't walk over Phoenix, he being the legendary fighter he is fought tooth and nail with me.
You pick and chose who is worthy, I do not. The simple fact is those glorious warriors you faced never had the honor of duelling me one on one. Ryan Ross? I beat him in tag. Matt Stone? I covered both he and Phoenix in the Battle of Champions. Riona Langly? Beaten. Stevenson is an afterthought to me, because I don't give a fuck and I can say that without recourse. What's he going to do? Nothing. You? What're you going to do?
You act high and mighty dear princess, but you are nothing more than another fighter trying to deal with the inevitable annhilation you now face. You will need to defeat me under ten minutes, because the longer this match goes on the harder it will be for you to defeat me. Will you fall into the same complacent state so many of my opponents have in the past? Do you believe I will only be able to defeat you by the use of a firearm? Do you share the belief of your comrade that I am nothing more than a gangster? I would hope you're not that foolish, Ms. Estella.
The Canadian nation stands with me, Ms. Estella. So do most Americans. So does most of the world. They are not fooled by you or your hollow words. They do not see you as someone saving the PWA from a title reign by Simon Kalis. They see you as the final victim in my rise in this company. This is the day so many have waited for to see for such a long time. For the revolution I spoke of with Maverick has begun, and it is against the tyranny that surely awaits the PWA should you and your kind amongst the SiD remain in a position of power. You are their Queen, and you shall be destroyed for it.
Lisa Seldon. Jacob Seldon. Jamie Flynn. All of you are now targets of the army we build to stand against the corrupting likes of you. You've no idea the magnitude of talent you are now faced with.
I have been many things in my life, Ms. Estella. What I am now is much worse than a gun toting gangster. You are not facing Simon Kalis circa DRWF 2006. You are facing The Glorious 2010 future PWA Champion version.
Just like the title of this installment of my promotional letters, after Revolutions Per Minute 2 tonight you shall be as you deserve to be...
I don't fight, I just win.