Today's big headline: Rory Costigan clearly has a learning disability.
Now you might be thinking "Wow that's a stretch", but hear me out on this because I'm about to blow your mind with the very simple fact that your inability to learn is your biggest downfall and negates just about every single ridiculous point you made in that utterly boring promo of yours.
Point number one. This motherfucker brings up the fact that he made the assumption I want him to be like me in any way shape or form because I simply suggested to him what I would have done in his Tainted Twilight situation rather than what he did. In that, I made two very big points as to why he's not me in the very least and why I'm much better than he'll ever be from here to Planet X. So for some reason he decides to contrive that as me suggesting that he should be like me. And he's appalled by this! He's disgusted! The man was so close to covering his own shoes in vomit that he could taste the bitter stomach acids on his tongue.
And yet what he does do, seconds after? He spends a minute or two talking me up, telling me how great I am and that my image sells out arenas and the like. You know, the usual stuff I hear from people that are on the brink of getting their faces stomped in by me. And does he even try to go into depth why he made that point in the first place? Does he even try to tell us why he's appalled by the very nature that he should for the benefit of his own AOWF career aspire to be a little more like me? No, he drifts merrily along into another pointless mumble and tries to take a swat at my personality while making a tasteless joke about Starr's vagina.
You little cunt. Personality doesn't win you matches. It gets you the I'm Johnny Maverick Championship, and if that's something you've decided to aspire towards, then Mr. Maverick is only a reach-around and a phone call away.
If not, if you're really not aspiring to be like me, a man you said is respected and successful, then I gotta ask... what are you doing here? If the AOWF needed a void filled in their whiny pathetic loser department, they would have called Kyle Malone.
Oh... that's right; you quoted him, didn't you? Sorry, man. I'm sure him and his See Ya, We Hardly Knew Ya award circa 2008 will keep your ego comfy and warm.
Your inability to learn is causing you to make senseless points like this, because clearly if you don't want to be anything like me then you don't want to be a successful badass with miles of accolades and has been living on top of promotions since the inception of his career dating back to 2002 when you were a wee lad getting your cherry popped for the first and only time. And if you don't want to progress, don't want to shed the gross and despicable reputation that follows you wherever you go - unless it's your own decrepit backyard where you can't smell your own stink - then you clearly have a learning disability.
Which brings us to point number two.
What is the purpose of talent and skill if you don't have the discipline and consistency to showcase it inside that ring when it does and doesn't matter the most? You want to be like Rob Robinson, a guy who constantly cheats to keep his championships, has one good match a year, and is consistently public about how he only gives effort when there's something on the line he can either put around his waist or in his mouth? A guy who is driven by a chocolate drink and precious gold?
The more you fucking talk man the more you sound like him, telling me you've only brought it when you thought it mattered the most. Perhaps you shouldn't have left their little gay clique because you're a lot like him, more than you think. Maybe you do want to turn that around and be more like the workhorses in this community, but you're far from convincing any of us that you're serious about that kind of change. And when you find yourself up against a real workhorse, a real champion who has been going out there for years and no matter how many matches he has he puts on a show like it's the most important one of his career? You're going to find yourself fucked with that kind of bullshit attitude.
And this is when your learning disability comes into play once more. Of course I'm going to rave and rant about your three losses to Matt Stone, because that's just fucking ridiculous. It is the best example out there that you don't possess the ability to learn from your mistakes, use a loss as a gainful experience to improve your techniques, and overcome adversity even in the toughest of situations. You went to battle with him and you lost every single time, each time looking all the more terrible. Do you honestly expect me to believe you've shaken all that off in a matter of a weekend, after making that desperate news post about how you want to avenge your losses because you're tired of looking like a bitch all the time?
You forget that's what all started this. You throwing out challenges to people that have made a career out of making you look stupid and weak. And then you're all "Dude, not cool man. You're just like everyone else who's beaten me! Way to throw salt in the wound! Gosh! I'm gonna tell!" You think I give a fuck what you think, what you expect? You didn't watch my promo against Marxx last week and get confused, did you? I don't want you to man up. I don't want you to progress and succeed. I want you to be ignorant of your learning disability, get fucked up by me, and then go play runt of the family across the street in a place that can't even keep track of its own shows.
I'm not here to educate you and try to teach you amazing lessons of the wrestling industry. I've made it very clear why I've taken this match with you and yes, you were partially right about you being easy pickings, but I'm not here to pad my stats against the bottom of the AOWF barrel. If I wanted to do that, I would have pulled a Masakazu and went to TGW. You know exactly why this match is happening and yet you've chosen to ignore that. You've decided to come up with some stupid idea that I'm using you as a means to stack wins and keep myself from falling. You really think you know what a fall from grace is all about? How the fuck would you know, when you've never had that kind of grace?
I'm bringing this fight to your doorstep because I'm tired of you running your mouth like you're a guy around here who's earned the right to do that. Fuck you, bitch. You haven't done shit, haven't been shit, and after I'm done with you you'll never be shit in this community. You also did a splendid job of ignoring the fact that you put your hands on me back in June and I still owe you for that. Oh, and not one mention of Sedition Rising? Godless? Nothing. I get nothing out of you, except excuses, half-assed flattery, and empty promises about doing everything to drag me through hell whether you win or lose. How much of a fucking cliche can you be?
And therein lies the rub. See, I actually care about winning as much as I care about grinding off your nose with the steel steps. The win, in a decisive and effective manner, is the drying cement on a permanent "Fuck you". I've always been a man of letting my actions speak louder than my words, no matter how loud I yell or how vicious I get because what I do to you in these promos is nothing compared to what I'm going to do to you inside that ring when you don't have Kyle Malone quotes and Panzadise miracles to hide behind.
You've been keeping yourself buried ever since you made that post, ever since you decided to answer my counter-challenge, and ever since you showed up with your first promo of this week smelling of weakness and fear but trying to act bold. Keep telling me that you don't have the focus, the discipline, and ability to turn your talent - or whatever you want to call that - into actual results against a man like me. But hey, you still have the potential. You've never been at your best, right, so how could we possibly know what to expect of you?
This is a wonderful mentality to have going into the biggest match of your career: I could either really suck or I could be really good. Of course, ideally, I'd beat the fuck out of the former PWA World Champion who's mopped the floor with guys that mopped the floor with me, but that's just my fantasy world that I try to live in every single day so I don't walk around like a depressed sack of shit due to my real career being one punctuated joke after the other.
Saturday's big headline: ex-BWF World Champion (insert joke here) got his ego shoved down his throat so hard that he skipped town like he promised us all he would.
Don't waste my time with statements about how you're the most well-trained wrestler in this business, as if that could even be remotely true and possible to prove. That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. What the fuck is all the training in the world going to get you when you haven't had nearly the career that I've had? I'm not just going to show up and fight; I'm bringing nine years of experience and a resilience unmatched by nearly every person that's ever stepped inside a wrestling ring. I'm bringing everything I've got and then some because no matter if you show up ready to lose or ready to win, it doesn't matter once that bell has rung and the fight of your life begins. I could give a fuck if you're Marxx or Lisa Seldon, you will always get one hundred and fifty percent of Matthew Engel and to even think that you'll get a tenth of a percentage less than that is outrageous.
And I can say that convincingly while the collective heads of rosters around the community nod up and down because I've been proving that for years while you've been struggling to figure out how to make yourself work and not get killed out there. You've been broken for awhile. You don't have whatever it is fixed and you're sure as fuck not ready to face someone like me, someone who requires more than your best to overcome.
Being the champion or former champion of a cesspool isn't proof that you're ready. I mean, did you really say that? You want to tell me you can bring the neck snapping whenever you feel like it, and you're oh so proud of being BWF World Champion when thirty seconds before that you were calling it a cesspool and offered you no real challenge? That's why you sunk your head into the sand like a pussy, let anyone from A to Z step into the ring and beat you badly, and then miraculously you were given an opportunity to be the champion of fucking morons and you answered that call with tenacity!
Just like you're answering this call now. This is supposed to impress me? This is supposed to impress anyone, in fact? It fucking doesn't. It's embarrassing is what it is. Just like how embarrassing it is for you to call me out on bringing down your past and beating you to death with it all the while you're failing miserably at doing the same thing. You talk about my big title loss, my fake fall from grace. You're just as guilty of that shit as I am, except I don't feel bad about it and I don't view it as cheap. It's a glimpse into your future because the main point of all of this is that you don't have the ability to learn from your mistakes, which is your past.
You've shown that time and time again and I'm using everything including the kitchen sink to make sure you walk down to that ring thinking about the hatred those fans have for you and how frustrating it is that you can't win over anyone, not even the one place that was unfortunate enough to keep you under contract all these months. I bring up your past, rip it to shreds and point out your lack of credibility to the world not only because it amuses me but because it does the exact opposite for you. And when your past is as weak and terrible as yours is and you've done just about fuck-all to change that going into this week's match, I'd put my money on it being relevant and history repeating itself.
But another huge difference between me and you - and don't take this as me wanting you to be anything like me because I'd rather you just shut the fuck up and suck - is that I've shown time and time again that I can rise to any challenge and overcome it. I've shown that I can get to the top, but I'm also privy to being knocked off of it. However, I know what it takes to get back to the top. By your own admission I'm considered a marquee athlete and one of the best in this community. So even if you had a small lick of truth into the notion that you think I'm falling and my fall will still continue, my chances of picking myself back up, not being a whiny bitch about it, and kicking the fuck out of people left and right are a million times better than yours.
Because you've yet to prove it. You won't do it Friday night.
Or ever. Not while I'm around, because as I said before you thought you needed to remind me, I am going to destroy you in that ring. I am going to force you into so much pain, disappointment, and weakness that you will end up eating your words and getting the fuck out of my community. When I'm done with you, Rebel Pro will send its regards and tell you they're sorry for wasting your time and they're not interested. Lisa Seldon will laugh at your expense and re-sign Suukya' instead of offering you anything. I'll continue to be Victory Wrestling's number one import and PWA's number one export.
And you can go back to being your daddy's little bitch boy in a company nobody around here gives a shit about.
Do your absolute worst, Rory. That's all you've ever been known for. I look at you and I don't see a man with a promising future here. I see a man that walks around with an undeserving sense of purpose.
Maybe you will change my mind or maybe you'll prove every single hater out there right. But while you work it out in your head just what kind of man you want to be and you take all of that time to decide just what kind of competitor you want to be when you step into that ring, three seconds will pass by and my name will already be announced as the victor of our little grudge match because I know exactly what kind of competitor I am.
The winning kind.