Matthew Engel: "Here, let me play you all something."
(I rest my whiskey on top of a Steinway concert grand piano. I've had it for quite some time, but have never showcased it in a promo, until now. I crack my fingers to warm them up, like all musicians do. One more gulp of the finest whiskey in the land, and I'm on my way.)
Matthew Engel: "I'm sure you'll recognize it."
(I begin to play, and the tone is very somber. Can you guess what it is? I continue to play with more complexity, a little more speed. I am pouring my heart and soul into it, it's a beautiful yet depressing introduction for arguably the best song off of Death Magnetic. I perfectly hit the notes of the introducing track to Unforgiven III, and then I stop.)
Matthew Engel: "This is when the guitars come in and the piano trails off in the distance. It's such an amazing piece of music, I think. The introduction tells the story better than the words ever could, but that isn't taking away anything from the lyrical beauty and genius of this song."
(I take another gulp of the whiskey. It goes down smooth.)
(How could he know this new dawn's light would change his life forever? Set sail to sea but pulled off course by the light of golden treasure.)
Matthew Engel: "The sad part is that the story could describe what's going on in the sick and twisted world of Matthew Engel to a 'T'. I mean, it's absolutely scary what common ground me and this song have. What does it take for a man to realize his mistakes and realize that he is on the wrong path? What does it take for a man to recognize that he needs to change his priorities and his perception of how to live his life? I obviously don't have the answers to these questions, I never did. I always did what I wanted to, how I wanted to, and.. I loved them. I loved them so much, that I sold my soul to the 'devil' himself just for their protection. I let Ridel enter my life and take my soul, and now I have.. nothing. I am soulless, I am fearless, and I am.. lost. And you know what's funny?
I thought that Jackson would change all of that for me. I thought if I could pass my legacy, not the evil and twisted desires that I possess but the passion and desire that I have for success and competition, onto somebody else, I would have accomplished more than any title reign would have ever given me. I was hoping, I was fucking praying, that Jackson would take only the great things about me and utilize them the best he could. I never wanted to put him in harm's way, I never wanted him to be a casualty of our war. I wanted him to develop into a legacy of his own, and knowing that I had a hand in that would put me at rest.. perhaps at peace. I could have easily left this sport with my dignity and legacy in tact, and I could have gone home to my wife and daughter and given them back the man they love. Can you even imagine what it feels like to step outside yourself and realize that you're on the path to self-destruction, no matter what you do? What happened to me at Chaotic Rampage set in stone my impending doom.
And.. I'm beginning to accept it, like a man with cancer who was given only a few more months left to live. I really am. I realize that the decisions I have made, the pain I have endured and caused, and the people I have broken and bloodied along the way have retaliated back by giving my career an almost ironic 'virus' that will finish me off for good. Perhaps I should have been laid to rest right there on that operating table. You say it's unbearble to think that what you did to somebody could have ended their life, but I don't believe that for a moment. Riona we have been walking this dangerous and dark path for quite some time now, but I never thought I would show you all just how far I've fallen. In my remaining moments as a professional wrestler, I will set out to accomplish my final goals and end things my way. I'm not an idiot, and I realize that a man who has done the things I have can't last long, and it's catching up. But, Riona... you were the last straw. You sealed my fate, and that's exactly what you wanted for so many goddamn reasons.
And for this, I am going to do everything I can to demoralize you, punish you, and make you feel like a worthless bitch that has no place here in the PWA or anywhere else for that matter. Yeah, that's how much the roles have reversed, except I am willing to take this to an extreme that you, you can't even fathom. You want to talk about having a killer instinct? You showed the world that you still got it inside the ring, and you managed to defeat me. But, I have a killer instinct as well, that rivals yours inside that ring. However, my killer instinct doesn't turn off and on when I get in and out of the ring. My killer instinct will haunt your fucking dreams. My killer instinct will continue to punish you week in and week out, because a hatred this deep doesn't just switch off after the bell rings and somebody's hand is raised.
This weekend, I will beat you and that retard partner of yours. I will pin Johnny Maverick in the middle of the ring, but I won't simply just leave and go backstage like a normal competitor would do. I'm going to turn Maverick blue, black, and red. I am going to leave you mangled and destroyed. This isn't a threat, ladies. This isn't a game, you don't have a reset button. This is a fucking promise from a man with more intensity, skill, and brutality than you give him credit for. You two act as if you have an opinion in this matter, a fucking choice to let this happen or not.
It's going to happen, whether you think you can stop it or not. It's going to happen whether Jethro thinks he can stop me or not. You continue to bring up Chaotic Rampage and your victory, and that's all fine and dandy. Except, you will have to confine to rules in this match. This won't be an all-out hardcore bloodfest that gives you or me a fifty-fifty chance of winning. No.. I am going to brutally beat the crap out of both of you inside that ring, and Jethro will be lucky if I even tag him in. I imagine a bloodied Maverick being dragged over to your corner by me and forcing Maverick to tag you in. I imagine throwing Maverick through the ropes and outside of the ring when I'm done with him, and I imagine your heart racing with fear and adrenaline knowing that no matter what you do, you won't walk away from it.
That's what I imagine. That's what I want. And that's what's going to happen.
This is the path I've ultimately chosen. I am not claiming to be some kind of psychic, like Matt Stone pretended to be when he claimed his future would be brighter than mine. Good call on that one, by the way. But this is a feeling that has been inside of me ever since Chaotic Rampage. I have felt everything coming to an end soon, but I'm not done yet. I'm still very much alive in this sport, and I am going to make an example out of you, Riona. This is what happens when you fuck with my dreams.
You'll never hear me say I'm sorry. I will never forgive you.
Riona took from me a small ray of light in my life, she took from me a chance to pass on my legacy and give the world a man who would have been so great, so passionate, so full of life. He would have been what I should have been, but I walked a darker path. That's what you took from me, and if you think Chaotic Rampage was the time for me to return the favor, then you're sorely mistaken. You got off easy at Chaotic Rampage. You took away my dream, my one chance at redemption. And now? I am here to return the favor. Don't worry sweetheat, you will be in the final match at the greatest PWA event of all time, but you will not be victorious. You will not get to live out your dream of walking away from Genesis as World Champion. You will have failed once again to capture the biggest prize in this company, and like a broken fucking record, you will fall down the ladder and be succumbed to Grizzly Beer title match after Grizzly Beer title match. Is it sad to say that I would rather see Raizzor walk out of Genesis as World Champion than you? Of course you'll think that is a sad statement only filled with a high dose of jealousy and hatred for you, and you would be right. But.. 'I don't care'. It will be an eye for an eye, Riona, because I am going to tear down every single ounce of hope and dream that you have. I am making it my mission until Genesis to leave you broken, battered, and hopeless. You'll walk into Genesis as sick, unconfident, and dumb as your partner this weekend. You'll always talk a big game, and that's something I can't take away from you, but deep down... I know that you'll have no hope, no confidence, and no courage left.
This is what you've created, a monster that wants nothing more to see your dreams and your bones shattered."
(Was he the one causing pain with his careless dreaming? Been afraid, always afraid, of the things he's feeling.)
Matthew Engel: "Your hands will never be clean of this. Your hands were covered in my blood last month, and this month they will be covered in your own blood. You'll stare up at the lights and try to wipe away the gallons of your own blood that try to flow into your eyes and mouth, but you won't be able to. You'll be drowned, forever.
It must have been so easy, huh? He was just a kid. He had so much potential, so much life. You should have seen him, darling. He was something, potentially better than you and I could ever have been. But maybe you did see that and saw fit to take him from me, just like Lex Demise tried to take Alexia away from me. That's where you've put yourself, on the same level of Lex Demise. I know I've fallen, but look how far you've fallen. I sold my soul and joined the MoA just to protect my family and finish Lex Demise off for good. Imagine what I'd do now to make sure that you don't take anything more away from me and make sure you pay for what you've done. Imagine."
(How can I be lost if I've got nowhere to go? Search for seas of gold, how come it's got so cold?)
(I walk off screen for a moment, and then return. My hand is holding something black.. something cold and unforgiving. It's a nine millimeter Beretta, and I use it to scratch an itch on the side of my head.)
Matthew Engel: "There was a man once, who was the sole orchestrator behind the most dispicable acts against my family imagined. This was a man who put into action the kidnapping, brainwashing, and suicide of Tara BoXeR, also know as Tara Engel. I know you've heard of her, Riona. I'm sure I've even told you this story over dinner or during a time all us Exit Music kids were hanging out. She was the real mother of Alexia, my brother's wife, and my sister-in-law. She was such a beautiful woman, so full of life and adventure. She was the kind of woman that could strike up an interesting conversation with a random stranger, giving that person a taste of what she had to offer this world. But, she was taken from us by that man. It tore Joe to pieces, and he still can never forgive himself for what happened because he fought tooth and nail to save her, but never could. I will never blame Joe for what happened, but if Joe would have done the unforgivable and taken care of business the way it should have, then perhaps Tara would still be with us. That is a cold thing to say, but I've said this before to him. He knows, and hell.. he even agrees. It still eats away at him, but I was able to give him a slight moment of relief. Nearly four and a half years ago... this would be the gun that brought that man to justice.
Some speculated I was involved, perhaps even the one who pulled the trigger. But, there wasn't any evidence to support it and his death was a suicide. However, I'll let your imagination run wild on that.
Let's just say someone stepped in and took care of it, let's just say that true justice was brought down upon that man who went against my family and caused my brother's wife's suicide. Now, you haven't done anything of that sort, but you have taken.. and taken.. and taken from me. You have continued to push me into a corner when my only option is to lash out and make you pay for your mistakes. And... what will be your response to this? 'You did it first, Matthew!' Please, don't be so fucking immature.
Your failure was my fault, I will take that much responsibility. You were supposed to be reborn a new Riona, and come back as great as you could. You were supposed to challenge me the proper way at Ground Zero and give these people a World Title match like they had never seen before. But, you failed, and in doing so, you caused my failure. You slithered your way back into the World Title scene because like Johnny Maverick, Raizzor has some undying respect and love for you.. so much that he wants you to face him at the biggest event in PWA history. Pathetic.
And Chaotic Rampage was all about fulfilling your bloodlust and putting me in a corner. You had every single advantage in that match up, from the moment you and Lacey double teamed up until the very end. You had the advantage the entire time, so congratulations. You put something into action and followed through, but you didn't realize the consequences of your actions. Did you honestly think to yourself that it would be over? Just like that?
No. It's only just begun, and this weekend.. no, you simply don't have a choice. You will lose.. whether it's the match, an extreme amount of blood, or.. both."
(How can I be lost? In remembrance I relive, and how can I blame you... when it's me I can't forgive?)
Matthew Engel: "Johnny.. this is beyond the point of forgiveness. This has gotten to the point where you two need to realize that you can't stop the inevitable and you can't stop the justice and brutality that's going to be brought down upon you both. Johnny.. it's going to be a sad moment for both of you when you walk into the ring and expect to be standing when the bell rings a final time. It's going to be a sad moment when you fail to take me seriously, because at that point the only thing you'll be taking seriously is the severity of your health. I will drain you, both physically and mentally, and I will have my way with you and Riona inside that ring. The fact that you have taken my words as such a personal slight to yourself is only going to make this more enjoyable for me.
Maybe Riona would not have forgiven you if you interfered in her match at Chaotic Rampage, but she won't forgive you when you're standing at the turnbuckle, watching as I beat her senseless right in the middle of the ring. She knows you could do something about it, she knows you could try to stop me, but.. you and I both know you can't.
She won't forgive you for being scared, and frankly, neither would I.
Spare me the attempt of lecturing me, Maverick. You have no idea what it's like to have a family and that kind of responsibility. My daughter has gone through so much trauma, and you know what was working? I kept her distant from me, I kept her and my wife safe. Like I said, I sold my soul to made sure they were protected, and they have been. My wife and daughter were enjoying a normal life, but it was a life without me. That's what hurt them the most, and it's.. it's fucking frustrating that it ever came to that. Maybe I shouldn't have let that happen, but it was my only choice at the time. And, I don't regret it. I did everything I could for them, and I continue to wrestle and be the best I can for them. The bottom line is that no matter what, I earn a paycheck to give myself and my family the support they deserve. But that was never good enough. Then I gave them protection from anyone, anything, so that the past would not resurface and nothing like that would never happen again. That wasn't enough. I tried to step away from the game, and put myself in retirement, but it only got worse.
Let's face it, when it comes to wrestling, I can walk, chew gum, talk on the phone, write novels, and anything else I want all at the same time. In the ring, I create a symphony of greatness that consists of all kinds of moves and strikes. I do it with everything that I am, and I give myself to this sport on a weekly basis. For the life of me, I cannot figure out how to transfer that into my personal life. So... I guess forgive me when I say I am not perfect in the real world, but inside that ring... in front of thousands of people watching, I am perfect. I am as good as it gets, and I will show you exactly what I mean on Saturday. You're going to witness firsthand what it's like to be across the ring from me. Even when your alter-ego tried to dupe me with distraction after fucking distraction, I still rose victorious.
This weekend, I am going to expose every weakness you have that affects you in the ring. I am going to do whatever I want to Riona and make you watch as she is tortured inside that ring. But you'll be the bigger man and let it all happen. You'll stand there, with a chip on your shoulder, and think 'Riona can beat him, she's done it before. She's tough'. That's exactly what I want you to think, because I want to see the look on your silly fucking face when you finally realize that Riona will never, ever have that moment of glory over me again. I want to cherish the moment when you look at me and start begging me to stop, because Riona will be reaching that point of surrendering.
Johnny, I want to laugh in your fucking face when you beg to switch places with her, because your heart can't stand seeing her in that much pain anymore. That's the point when you'll finally realize that you both never had a chance."
(His sinking life.. outside it's hell, inside.. intoxication. He's run aground, like his life... water much too shallow. Slipping fast, down with his ship, fading in the shadows. Now a castaway, they've all gone away. They've gone away.)
Matthew Engel: "If there is a man that might be able to insert himself in my way and pose some kind of threat to my plan, it is my own partner. We've come a long way, Jethro, and you and I are very different than how we were back in October. But I implore you to truly rethink what you said. If you want even the slighest chance of stepping in the ring with me for a fifth time, you will back the fuck off and let me do what I want to do. You will sit there in the corner while I make Johnny and Riona beg for their lives. There's nothing you can do to stop me, I want you to know that. If I have to knock you the fuck out, I will do it. I don't care. What do I have left, Jethro?
My family? Gone. Sure, my ex-wife still talks to me and tells me how much she misses me, but let's be honest.
Jackson? He'll never wrestle again. There's still a small chance he'll never walk again, and you can thank that lady you respect so much for that one. It really pisses me off to no end how much you admire and respect her, when she's just as guility as I am. Oh, because she played on the 'good guy's' team, she's innocent in all this? She's some angel sent down from Heaven to give us all redemption and glory? She fucking took my redemption from me! I wanted to turn it all around, and I wanted to give it all to Jackson. I wanted to get out of this, but she took that away from me! I will never, ever forgive her for that and she is going to pay the high price for everything she has done to me.
I wanted out. I wanted to pass my legacy along to a kid who needed a role model, needed direction, and needed guidance. You fucking bit..you cu.. you piece of shi--"
(Bring the hammer back. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. I put four bullets into my thousands of dollars worth grand piano, shattering ivory and ebony keys and making the piano damn near unplayable. The shots echo throughout the apartment. I'm sure the police are on their way, but don't worry. I own the police in this town. My breathing is heavy. My eyes are full of anger and hate.)
Matthew Engel: "These have been the most terrifying and revealing months of my career. I am going to save one of these bullets for your career, Riona, just like you saved one for mine.
And Jethro? Fuck your goodness. Fuck your necessity to do the right thing, fuck your vow to protect Riona. Nobody can escape their fate this weekend. Not you, not them... not even me. It would be wise of you to stay out of my way and concentrate on winning this match, because if you betray me this weekend, I can't guarantee your safety. I can't guarantee that you will make it Genesis to do something you've been wanting to do for a long time now and that's fight the great Sirus Moran. Do not cross me because I would hate to see that match cancelled on the account of you laid up in the hospital.
And that isn't a threat, Jethro. That's a promise. You cross me this weekend?
And you'll never dream again.
I do not forgive.
I do not forget."
(forgive me. forgive me not.)